Can healing be immediate?

I tried something weird and my life transformed

These days, healing is the new buzzword, it seems it's used more often than 'mindfulness'. I've been actively healing using all the popular methods (therapy, nervous system regulation, Yin yoga, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, etc.) since 2019. Today, I am a completely different person: confident, calm, content, self-compassionate, and patient. Yet, I still get affected by PTSD in ways that at first glance don't seem to be linked to trauma.

My creative practice can use some work and discipline, even though I broke down so many barriers (both psychological and habitual). A part of me still lives in the future, the future in which my life will be absolutely amazing (one day). I still need a lot of recovery time to counter the overwhelm I experience as a person with Autism and ADHD. At some point, all the techniques and tools I used on a daily basis began to feel like a drag. I got sick of spending three hours each morning on self-care just so that I can function properly and survive the day.

It's been a year since I decided to invest in sessions with Access Consciousness Facilitator and it has been the most transformative experience to date. Access isn't just talking, it offers an abundance of body processes that promise to bring relief and reset your thinking. My coach recommended to 'get my bars run' or do an 'abuse hold' so many times I lost count. Having seen the changes in my life I just didn't think I need to be touched by a stranger. However, one day, I learned a shocking news that my close friend passed away suddenly in her sleep. Because I have never experience such loss it prompted me to book a Bars session. I booked an hour of Access Bars, potentially the most popular tool used in Access, with a random facilitator that lives nearby.

I came to his house, took off my shoes, and lay down on a massage table. He positioned himself near my head and lightly touched it with his fingers. I immediately felt... nothing. I mean, nothing, my mind was empty, not a thought! I barely managed to get to this state in deep meditation during one of my annual meditation retreats at the Buddhist temple. So, I lay there, not amazed (because I lost all points of view about what was taking place in about a second or two) but blank. After some time he changed the position of his fingers on my head, then walked around and touched the soles of my feet. Then, he went back to my head and touched my palms, then my head again. At some point, I got curious and asked him about his journey to Access Consciousness. He told me that he lived with PTSD and OCD his entire life and that he used to spend hours on a self-care routine daily just to get by. His wife became a facilitator first and used him as 'a head' to practice doing Bars. After some time he noticed a shift in how he felt about himself, his life, and his future. It clicked! It was Bars that made all the difference.

We started chatting and it quickly became a facilitation session + Bars. He facilitated me around creativity and the filmmaking projects I work on, pains in my back, ADHD and Autism. We chatted and chatted until the time was up. I went home feeling like this was the best day of my life, the one that can be compared to the day I got into Drama School, got accepted into the University of Sydney, and saw the love of my life for the first time in three years... you get the point.

A few weeks after I had my bars run, I had a therapy session. Since my therapist hasn't seen me for almost a month there was a lot to catch up on, but actually, not really. The interesting thing about change is that when something shifts it dissolves, disappears completely. When it stops being a problem, you stop thinking about it altogether. I first read about this phenomenon in the book Letting Go by David Hawkins, and noticed it many times since.

When my therapist asked me questions about the things that were important to me a month ago, I noticed that I no longer thought about them, they disappeared. One of those things was anger at my ex with whom I parted ways a long time ago. I haven't thought about the break-up at all upon moving out of the apartment we shared, but months later I noticed a built-up resentment and anger that I couldn't reason with. No one wants to think about their ex, especially when dating other people, so I despised them even more for staying in my head. Today, I do not think about my ex or dwell on the time we spent together. Bars? Perhaps.

I noticed that I started cooking elaborate meals. Not only were they healthy but I tried new recipes from YouTube cooks, new cuisines (Japanese, Italian) new vegetables, and new spices and condiments I never even heard of (Dashi, mirin, sake). For a person diagnosed with Autism, this is quite unusual. It is believed that people with Autism stick to their routines and get discombobulated whenever their routine endures a slight modification. I can certainly relate to that – or can I?

My writing practice changed and became more purpose-driven. I write every day but it doesn't always contribute to the project I am currently working on. One day, while supporting a client of mine with their writing, I opened my screenplay software and ended up wring an entire scene while waiting for the client to finish their internet brows – at IKEA out of all places. We went there to change the scenery and try a different environment for her creative practice. It was noisy, bright, and uncomfortable, yet I still managed to write a scene. So much for the routine and cosy writing environment.

After receiving bars, I passed an entry exam for a course at Alliance Francaise. It's been 9 months of consistent practice on Duolingo, watching French shows, films, and YouTube videos, reading Le Petit Prince, consuming French teaching content, and throwing an occasional 'Tu veux quelque chose à manger' at my French friend. I finally felt ready to take another language to the next level. Not that I haven't thought about signing up for a class before, I just never took that step. Until I had the Bars session, that is.

I also changed the prices for my coaching sessions because I felt that my contribution to the clients I work with was worth so much more than what I was charging. I never questioned that decision and never looked back.

One thing that stood out the most was my feelings about my friend's death. When I was invited to the funeral, my friend's partner asked me to say a few words during the ceremony. Not only was I attending the funeral for the third time in my entire life, but I had to deliver a speech standing next to my friend's coffin. After I received Bars, I felt at peace with the fact that the catch-up scheduled in my calendar won't ever happen. I didn't feel sadness, I just felt like... okay, she died. There was such an ease about her death that it resembled indifference. Only I knew that I wasn't indifferent to one of my closest humans dying. On the day I learned about her death I cried so hard it felt like the end of the world. I reached out to all my friends and even called a helpline. Before bars, I felt absolutely devastated and heartbroken.

The ceremony was beautiful, some people cried so hard I felt a little ashamed of not shedding a single tear. I delivered a speech that people talked to me about after the ceremony was over. I laughed with my friend's partner and her family members who flew from New Zealand to say goodbye. When I got home around 3 pm, I fell asleep and woke up the next morning. That was probably the strangest thing about my experience around the funeral. There's no experience more intense than death, so I knew that my peace was courtesy of the Bars session.

Apart from the changes that feel like an achievement, I also experienced changes in how I feel day to day. I haven't felt depressed for a long time, but after the Bars, I haven't felt down once. I wake up energised and ready to face the day. I switch from task to task with ease, I feel like life has a lot to offer and that the possibilities are endless. If all of these changes are the result of one 1hr session, I would be a fool not to make it a part of my life.